Happy Birthday

As widely publicised as I could manage, six months and eleven days ago I signed a waiver granting a surgeon the permission to amputate my leg.

Yesterday was a better day. I managed to climb Ling Moor Fell (469m), Great Langdale, with my son. It’s a modest fell, not some towering Karakoram monster, but it’s a mountain nonetheless. And I climbed it.

Elation and relief aside, it’s been a grind. 

For someone who has never struggled with recovery, this has been a long and frightening plod.

I’m lucky. I started fit, strong and loved … and, still, back then, recovery looked like the Eiger. I was as remote from myself as an ant to a boulder. If anyone wants to hear it, here are my thoughts:

You’re gonna have to accept it; you’re f****d. You were a boulder, now you’re an ant. There will be many long days when you just have to sit with the pain, the nausea. You’re f****d.

But act. If it’s physical, get a physio. If it’s not, get help.

If you have a physio, go. If you have help, go. To scorn expertise is the basest hubris. You are an ant, never forget it.

Do what the physio/help tells you. It’s going to hurt. You’re going to hate your inability to do something that once was as easy as breath. But do what your physio tells you. Do it daily. If you can bear it, do it twice.

You are going to watch opportunities pass you by. Don’t beat yourself up, fate has done that already.

Do the days. The mountain is immense, and your fall profound. Don’t be discouraged: just do the days. Day by day, week by week, you’ll see lesser summits pass below you.

Give yourself a break. This is hard. Not every day looks like a win.

Gracefully and graciously accept the help of friends. It will raise you both.

Keep doing the days and one will come. The one when there is more sky above you than ever you thought possible. It’ll be like everything you did before but better. In some ways you’ll always be that ant: but now you are atop the boulder.

You won’t be finished; there’s always something higher to reach. The pain may never quite be over, but just keep doing the days because better ones are coming.

Happy birthday to me.

Simon Norris, 29th July 2024